Christie-bate: Are Bert and Ernie gay?

First of all, I have to admit, this data was extremely fun to collect; I very much appreciate every one putting up with my being annoying. Secondly, I must preface this article with a personal disclaimer: The results and/or opinions referenced in this blog do not necessarily represent my views. This is meant as a social survey to make conjectures regarding the attitudes of individual demographics. My speculations will be briefly stated at the end.

The question of whether Bert and Ernie "are gay" came up in a highly sophisticated conversation (sarcasm) that I was having with a scientist friend of mine. We discussed two possibilities: 1) that Bert and Ernie are just kid-friendly puppets, and 2) that Bert and Ernie were intentionally created as being gay as a way to change social norms and make homosexuality more acceptable. I decided I wanted feedback from other people so I of course began surveying friends and acquaintances via email, Facebook, instant messaging, text, phone and face to face contact.

I received responses from 168 people. Because I was most interested in the way opinions toward Bert and Ernie correlated with both gender and age, I divided demographics into 4 groups: two age groups of men and two age groups of women. (Raw data is exhibited in the graph below):


It would be easier to compare the different groups if I had surveyed an equal number of individuals in each collective, but there would have been no way to do this subjectively. Although we must rely on observations of proportions, there are clear patterns exhibited within each demographic.

The most obvious pattern is that nearly every man over age twenty-nine (61 out of 62) answered that "Bert and Ernie are gay". My favorite comments from this group include: "It's none of my business what their sexual preference is... but I bet Bert is a bottom" and "yes, most actors are gay". The outlier of this group stated "I think you must have some perverted older male friends who grew up thinking Bert & Ernie were gay... they must think Fozzie Bear is a total queen".

The next pattern is the small percentage of women (about 8.5%) whom answered that Bert and Ernie are gay; responses did not noticeable vary across age groups. A fairly accurate representation of comments from women included "no, they are just good friends" and "I think your surveys are stupid, and no". My favorite comment, however, was "I want to think of them as hip metrosexuals that want to gang bang Miss Piggy".

The "men under 30" demographic was pretty evenly split between gay/ no gay answers (about 55% answered "gay". Comments included "no, but I think Ernie is engaged in bestiality with his rubber ducky", "yes, definitely, they are yellow and share a bed under the same blanket", "of course they're gay, any one who thinks otherwise is delusional", and "I think they are brothers".

Because Seasame street has unique access to young children I suppose they have a social responsibility to teach things such as friendship and love, etcetera; it also seems to hold kids' attention so there is no doubt that it is an effective teaching tool. It's possible that Bert and Ernie were created in a fleeing moment of creativity that did not include anything besides them being happy puppets. It is also possible that like many things, there is more than what lies on the surface. Sometimes entertainment mediums are used to make social statements. Perhaps this was the case, but perhaps not. Unless we can chase down the writers of the show I guess there is no definite answer!

Race Review: 2009 Columbus Marathon

Ok, so, here is something funny about the "Nationwide Better Health Columbus Marathon": of all the runners I talked to during the race, no one knows what Nationwide does as a company, nor do we care... but please, keep sponsoring us and pouring money into our sport... we like to run; but enough digression... along to the review...

The positives of the Columbus Marathon far outweigh the negatives... its course certainly isn't as scenically impressive as Akron's (although Ohio State fans may disagree); however, Columbus does take advantage of everything its city has to offer (Cleveland should take note of this).

The Columbus course "continues to tour through the best parts of Columbus including Downtown, Bexley, Olde Town East, German Village, Short North, Ohio State, Upper Arlington, Victorian Village and the Arena District...and the addition of Grandview Heights" (.http://www.columbusmarathon.com/race-information/course-map). I think the major thing to descry here is that Columbus does indeed take pride in its city.

I am actually reaching to find anything bad to say about the Columbus Marathon... the whole event was amazinly organized and quite impressive. Many runners compete at Columbus with the intent to qualify for Boston because it has a flat course, butI think having a high level of organization and ample fule supplies is an equivalent factor for the majorital success at Ohio's capital.

Do I have to admit I'm a nerd during this blog or is it implied? And that's my review!

Race Review: 2009 Roadrunner Akron Marathon

I suppose it's only appropriate that the Roadrunner should host an annual marathon. He's been outrunning that coyote across cliffs for years now so I'm glad that he has transferred his skills into a competitive athletic event. This was the 7th year for the Roadrunner Akron Marathon and my 2nd year competing in it.

This race impressed me once again. The expo/packet pick-up, while it was unavoidably crowded, still managed to be organized and easy to navigate. Of course I had to walk past all of those annoying vendor stands with people trying to sell stuff, but it was still pretty clear where to go to get what. Race day morning was organized as well. There was a high chance of rain and a large covered area had been set up for racers to wait in before the race started. Fortunately though, the rain held off and we ended up having perfect running weather.

I once again enjoyed Akron's versatile course; it really shows off what the city has to offer. Instead of just staying on downtown roads, runners are sent on the Towpath for several miles and then through the grounds of Stan Hywet Hall which makes for some great scenery. There are also plenty of convenient places for spectators to set up their chairs and coolers and enjoy a day watching insane people run for hours. The best part of the course, however, is that is finishes inside Canal Park Stadium. It's pretty exciting to be greeted at the end of a race by stands full of people. It makes all of us delusional runners in the middle of the pack feel like we are professional athletes or something!

There is only one negative thing that I have to mention about this race, and that is regarding the relay runners. It's understandable that when a relayer has finished his/her leg of the race they want to leave the transition area, but there needs to be more control over how they leave. They often just wander back into the runner's traffic and get in every one's way. I also got annoyed by some of them who act like big shots while passing we marathoners, not considering that they have 3-6 miles to run and we have 26. It is funny though when one of them sprints out of transition at a 6min/mile pace and then is later sighted walking.

As far as my personal experience during this race, I had been aiming to finish in 4 hours, but was slowed down by a foot injury. I had to stop and get wrapped up at the first aid station, and thanks to the great volunteer paramedics I was able to keep going. They did a great job getting me un-bloodied, bandaged and vaselined so I could continue to run. They definitely knew what they were doing. I finished in about 4:23, which I am satisfied with considering my injury.

In conclusion though, I must affirm for the second time that Akron is my favorite marathon. I really had a lot of fun and am sad to have to wait a whole year to do it again!

Christie-bate: Jay v. Conan

So this is obviously a highly scientific study of comedy preference within age demographic. I was fortunate enough to get responses from 245 people regarding individual prelation for either Conan O'brien, the current host of The Tonight Show, or Jay Leno, the has-been host of the Tonight Show.

Results were as expected, younger demographics preferred Conan and older ones (actually all older demographics ended up being hunked into one category, but it didn't make a difference), preferred Jay. Although the outcome of this research was easily anticipated, the interesting facts came from the outliers. My observations showed that preference was correlated with means of survey... in other words, I was more likely to get a "Conan" response from some one I surveyed via text or online messaging as opposed to on the phone or in person. Most outliers were surveyed differently from others in their age group. Any one over 40 who answered "Conan" I did not speak with directly.

A major flaw to my research is that every person I surveyed is a friend or aquaintance of mine, so it scews the data in favor of Conan. However, I still think my sample group is large enough to get some facts from. What I found most interesting were the "not sure" responses; they were all respondants in their upper 40's. Well, this is all great data... for me to poop on.

Christie-bate: Ninja Turtles vs. Capt. Planet

Hopefully neither of these shows need much introduction; Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TMNT) and Captain Planet and the Planeteers were both 1990s animated series. The shows were very different, yet equally ridiculous, so I know this will be a heated debate. Just for fun, let's review each series...

TMNT centered on a suppositious group of four turtles who had been genetically altered by a liquid mutagen (because why wouldn't that happen?). After growing to human size, they are taught the art of ninja by Master Splinter, a giant rat, also altered by the mutagen. They live in the sewers of Manhattan and battle evil-doers large and small.

Captain Planet involves 5 kids who have been given rings by the Earth's living spirit named Gaia. Each ring possesses a power that when brought together conjures the hero Captain Planet. Together, the team fights villains who intend harm to the environment.

So both of these shows had memorable theme songs and catch phrases (most likely designed to annoy parents). I still frequently use the phrase "turtle power", especially after a good workout. I also really like to talk myself up when I take out the recycling (recycool as CP would say) by remembering Captain Planet's wise words: "The power is yours". As far as theme songs go, CP's tried a little to hard to be hip; his eco-rap never impressed me and didn't make me want to be a Planeteer.

I didn't want to be a huge genetically altered reptile either, but I sure would have liked to hang out with the Ninja Turtles. They seemed to have a lot of fun, always eating pizza and what not. Of course, living in sewers off of junk food and not going to school probably wasn't a great message for kids, but TMNT did teach the hazards of being exposed to liquid mutagens. Captain Planet was designed to bridge the gap between children's entertainment and education, but who wants that? Kids have to sit in school and be lectured all day long.

TMNT also had more interesting enemies than Captain Planet. My favorite was Krang, that disturbing genius brain-creature (see right). Captain Planet's characters were uncreative and buffoonish- Verminous Scumm's goal was to spread filth and disease, Duke Nukem wasted resources (their names were pretty funny, though).

It should be no surprise... having better theme song, cooler characteres, storyline and villains... TMNT wins!

Good times

Good times always quick to find,
Ignoring candor for a fable silver lined,
You retreat in a moment's ease,
Never to question what another sees.

Easy to judge when expectations denied,
Disappointment being a convenient guide.
Find refuge in your own repose,
Simple disregard of what a needless knows.

Please realize that claiming false sentiment-
Is more than auxiliary detriment.
Leave alone what you can't find concrete,
For never in it will you find retreat.

Hasselhoff

I returned home last night from a really tough track workout to relax and see if the Indians game was on. I was ready to kick it and enjoy the rest of the night... my plans were foiled however when I turned on the telly, and what did I find... but a Hasselhoff.

Now, I wouldn't have have been very alarmed had it not been for the dress of The Hoff. He wore a shirt half buttoned and some sort of charm dangling about his chest... seeming to pose as a modern sex symbol. Also he was judging a talent competition, "America's Got Talent". I had heard of this show but never watched or thought much about it. After seeing Hasselhoff in all his glory, however, I decided to take a second look. My first impression was that he sat confidently judging individuals that at first glance had abundantly more ability than him, but I really never put in the effort to know much about The Hoff, so I decided to do some Wiki research.

As I suspected, according to Wiki, The Hoff's resume consisted of: 1) His lead role as Michael Knight in the popular 1980s U.S. Series Knight Rider, 2) L.A. County Lifeguard Mitch Buchannon in the early 1990s series Baywatch, and wait, basically nothing else until 3) NBC's America's Got Talent in 2006. Somewhere in there he also attempted a singing career which obviously didn't amount to much. I'm not trying to slam The Hoff's career, I have no problem with his mediocre television success and overall contribution to the entertainment industry- but let's take it for what it is. He just shouldn't be out there critiquing singers, dancers and a variety of other performers who may actually have a high aptitude for their craft and something unique to offer.

It is clear Hasselhoff views his own capabilities somewhat differently than I do, however. He compares his acting in Knight Rider and Baywatch to being more difficult than acting from a well-written script such as Reservoir Dogs, The Godfather, or Dances With Wolves. He also saw it as a major success that no one died during of either of his great tv shows... because both shows were about saving lives, not taking lives [insert any number of humorous comments here].

I guess Hasselhoff's oddness is actually what made him rich though. Baywatch was originally cancelled after only one season, but Hoff brought it back using his own money because he believed in it so much. Hoff's wealth is estimated at over $100,000,000, so I guess he can afford now for people to care about his opionions. I still have to feel bad for the performers on America's Got Talent, though. This could be the only opportunity for many of them, and it is placed in the hands of Hasselhoff, Sharon Osbourne, and that Pierce guy (no clue who he is).

One more thing, as I searched for a good picture of Hoff to put on this blog, there really was no limit to the hilarious photos I found. It was difficult to choose. Also, 90% of them are from around 15-20 years ago.

Time

Time lends itself to thoughts abstract-
Not better spent on logic and fact.
Figures redundant, their use bound-
When in the undefined, truth can be found.

Not easy to find verity exact-
When understanding doesn't leave an equation in tact.
While definitions do foster learning-
The unspoken keeps the mind turning.

But when passion can be found forthright,
Ambiguity does not involve its plight.
Assured affection can be claimed-
A fervor that does not need tamed.

Christie-bate: Tamagotchis vs. Beanie Babies

Tamagotchis and Beanie Babies: I have to admit I did have each of these toys as a kid. The first Tamagotchis were introduced in 1996, so I must have been about thirteen. A year later giga-pets came out. Both of these toys had the same concept; they were small, pocket-sized digital pets. Using a few buttons on the tiny device, you could interact with your little cyber companion in a variety of ways. It basically assimilated the responsibilities and enjoyments of having a real pet.


We all know what "Beanie Babies" are. Wikipedia describes one as "essentially a fancy bean bag in the form of a stuffed animal". Right on Wikipedia. I only had one Beanie (a purple hippo), but it seemed some people had hundreds! There were originally nine Beanies launched in 1993 and I can't even find a record online now of how many there currently are. I always found it odd how not only children but adults collected these stuffed animals as if they were valuable artifacts. I have to hand it to Ty (the company that produced them) for making such a craze out of a brand of stuffed animal, or plush toy if you prefer.

Well my memories of days with my Tamagotchi are not pleasant ones...I couldn't keep it happy! It wasn't for lack of trying; I even took the darn thing to school with me and tried to pay attention to it. It took a lot of time, and I think in the end it wasn't fun enough for the effort it required. The name"Tamagotchi", if you are wondering, comes from a combination of the Japanese word tomago (egg) and the English word watch (watch). That is a suitable name because one had to watch the Tamagotchi... all day! It was an interesting idea, and at the time the technology was exciting, but my days playing with my Tamagotchi were limited.

So Beanie Babies didn't do a whole lot but sit there, but they did their job. They were fuzzy and cuddly and managed to minipulate millions into buying them with their cuteness. Who doesn't like a cuddly little stuffed animal? Although Beanie Babies were discontinued in 1999, they had been so popular with consumers and there was such demand that Ty decided to start production again. In 2008 Ty took Beanies online with "Beanie Babies 2.0". With a 2.0 Beanie, you received a code to use online on an interactive website. Interesting, kind of like Tamagotchis. There doesn't seem to be much question in this debate over which was the better toy craze of the 90's. Beanie Babies win!

Turquoise Sky

Ok, here's another poem :)

How fair seems the turquoise sky,
When below it only lovers lie.
The sun itself kisses the eternal ceiling,
Granting light and magnificent color reeling.

An umbrella to contain the pure-
Uncontaminated sounds to endure.
Gentle breeze and flitting flowers-
Keep locked the gaze of two for hours.

The moment would come to pass too soon,
But not lost under the spell of the moon.
The rising sun impossible to cheat,
Each counted the hours till again they would meet.

Beauty departed

I used to write a lot of short stories and poems but fell out of habit once I became busy with the requirements of college and then working. Reading some fiction recently inspired me to revisit the writing of some more abstract material. It's no Edgar Allen Poe, but hopefully you enjoy it. I would be interested in any comments.

Her lips were red her skin was cold,

The soft sheets losing shape against her at every fold.

Her locks were dark and they fell free-

Shading a complexion as pale as leprosy.

The night-mare life-in-death was she,

Her limbs thin and fragile but her spirit free,

One to make a man’s blood thicken and silently plea:

“Stay one more hour before you flee”.

Even as minutes past there would be no escape

The tortured longing for one touch of her shape.

A tangible sin- a risk to take-

Fleeting passion that no waking hour could shake.

Resisting her gaze and inevitable sleep,

Slumber does not a woman’s company keep.

But her blue eyes like the ocean deep-

Holding a flooding passion that at any moment might seep.

For even one hope to hold her until dawn,

Chancing that death would take her as his pawn.

Hypnotized knowing feverish dreams would come,

And the line between love and lust become numb.

A midnight illusion soon morning brings,

Amnesia of striking beauty in darkness sings,

Perhaps another visit of the faraway moon,

Might once again recall her haunting tune.

Christie-bate: Quick Chop vs. Tool Band-it

I was recently inspired by a TV show called “The Great Debate” on one of my favorite channels, VH1. VH1 is a network that not only provides a wide selection of trashy reality television that I so enjoy, but also offers shows about (and often making fun of) pop culture and current events. “The Great Debate” was one such show; it offered important comparisons about the ridiculous fads that have influenced past years: debates included Best Boy Band: New Kids on the Block vs. N Sync, Hotter Travolta: Danny Zuko v.s Tony Manero and Best Teen Soap: 90210 vs. The OC. “The Great Debate” definitely provided stimulating discussions and brought attention to some important world topics, but many relevant themes were bypassed. I’d like to pick up where VH1 left off in a series called “Christie-bate”.

What would the past couple decades of been without the selling techniques of the late great Billy Mays? On the long list of products he sold on commercials and infomercials are: iTie: “the tie with a hidden pocket”, The Crocodile Cutter: “heavy duty shears that cut through virtually any material”, the Ding King: “a dent remover”, Kaboom: “tile and shower cleaner”, and of course, OxiClean: “detergent and bleaching agent that produces hydrogen peroxide when dissolved in water. The two greatest and most hokey products that I would like to debate, however, are the Quick Chop and the Tool Band-it.

How do I even begin to compare two such fantastic products!? Both are innovative and have the potential to make daily chores a cinch! Let’s explore these phenomenal products further…

I’m quite the gourmet cook. I’m constantly making fancy stuff like flambés and other stuff that sounds French. I don’t know about you, but I hate it when I have to spend hours in the kitchen tediously chopping, mincing, slicing and dicing. What a chore! The original Quick Chop completely solves this problem with just a tap, giving me more time to spend watching trashy reality tv. I also do a lot of ice chopping and to my amazement, the Quick Chop can do that as well! Now at first I was skeptical… could the Quick Chop really be faster than a knife and easier than a food processor? As it turns out, yes! The Quick Chop’s rotating action will cut your kitchen time in half! Clean up is always a chore after cleaning as well… with the Quick Chop, you just run it under the faucet and clean-up is a snap!

Hard as it is to believe, the Tool Band-it is a product to rival the Quick Chop! I’m quite the do-it-yourselfer and do a ton of work around the house. I’m constantly building giant stuff and fixing everything that could need fixed around the house. I always lose track of my tools and parts though. I wish I had known long a go that a rugged, flexible, magnetic armband existed that could keep my tools and work pieces within easy reach. I was surprised that something so lightweight could hold everything from screws to wrenches. It turns out it’s strength comes from rare, powerful earth magnets.

After thinking about how wonderful both of these products can make life, I still couldn’t decide which product really was better. As I watched Billy Mays’ great commercials once again, I discovered that with the Quick Chop, you get a free Quick Grater! That was the tie-breaker for me! Quick Chop Wins!

2009 Cleveland Triathlon

I'm still on a post-race high after doing the Cleveland Triathlon yesterday! Last week I attempted the Pittsburgh Triathlon, but had a sprained ankle that just hadn't healed enough yet. I'm glad I didn't try to finish on the ankle, because I probably would have hurt myself too badly to compete yesterday and would have missed an awesome race!

Before the race started I was pretty nervous. This would be the first TRI I completed this year and I had some doubts about whether I was up to the challenge. Adding to my anxiety was the fact that I had forgotten my goggles! I asked a race official if there were any I could use; to my relief she pulled out an old pair that had been left at another race. Unfortunately, though, as soon as I tried them on I realized that they were strong prescription goggles! Luckily I made some friends before the race and one of them had an extra pair for me to use. My new friends were nervous too so that made me feel better as well!

The first leg of the race (the swim), was a 1.5K "L" shaped course that started in the harbor by Voinovich Park, then went out into Lake Erie and back. There were no currents or waves in the harbor; in Lake Erie the water was a little rough, but not too bad. When I first got in the water, it felt on the cold side; I was wishing I was wearing a wetsuit. As soon as the whistle blew and I started swimming though, I not only warmed up, but my nervousness totally went away. I got a huge rush of excitement and adrenaline as I swam past the first buoy out of the harbor.

I still felt great at the end of the swim and ready for the bike. I ran up the ramp from the water trying to focus on what I needed to do to get through my transition quickly. I pulled on a pair of shorts, cycling shoes on, helmet on, a quick sip of water and I was set. I ran my bike out of the transition and started on the second leg.

The cycling leg was for me the most difficult. Cycling is my worst event to begin with, and I thought this was a tough course. It consisted of three 8-mile out-and-back loops around the Shoreway (24 miles total). The out part of the loop was so hilly! During the second loop my legs began to cramp right above my knees. It then started raining and my bike started to make a squeeky noise. I could tell something on the bike was rubbing and causing some friction that would slow me down. I stopped for a second and tried to find the problem, but I couldn't. I only had one loop left so I did my best to ignore it.

It was a great feeling as I coasted off the bike course on my way back into the transition area! Running is my best event and I knew if I made it this far I was going to make it to the end! I threw my bike on the rack, changed shoes and I was off again for the last leg!

As I started the 10K (6.2 mile) run my legs were tired, but felt better than I expected. I got in my running zone and the rest of the race went by fast! Every one was so supportive of the racers. As I climbed the last hill a group of people were cheering for me and giving me encouragement to make it the last mile and a half. When I saw the finish line I was ecstatic. I sprinted to it and felt great! The official times aren't posted yet, but my time was around 2:55 according to my watch.

The Cleveland Triathlon had a great course and was a well organized, fantasic event. I can't wait to do it again. For that great feeling of accomplishment, excitement and exhaustion, all the hard work and training pays off! I'm ready for another race!

Book Review: The End of Faith: Religion, Terror, and the Future of Reason

As one may gather from the title of his 2004 book, The End of Faith: Religion, Terror and the Future of Reason, Sam Harris doesn’t like religion. Harris calls it “the root of all evil” and blames it for every major historical tragedy from the Holocaust to 911. He doesn’t only target extremists, however. Harris is equally critical of religious moderates whom he says “offer no bulwark against religious extremism and religious violence”.

Harris brought a lot of information to the table within the discursive 301 pages of his bestseller and gave me a lot to think about. While I often struggled with his wordy style and ironically preachy tone, I did find Harris’ arguments overall quite engaging. One of his main disputes with religion is its aversion to development and change. I find this view undeniably true. While every other field and form of science makes progress and continuously redefines itself, only religion takes increasing pride in being backward. It is quite clear that religion’s outdated views have set the stage for modern day problems like hindering stem cell research and failure to control the AIDS epidemic.

Harris also addresses the lack of success separating church and state in the US. The increase of religiosity in US politics contributed to George W. Bush’s disastrous presidency and undermined efforts to build a common knowledge of scientific understanding among the American population. Shortly after finishing this book I read that President Obama had recently chosen a church (a non-denomination church, the same church George W. attended). I have to wonder what the repercussions would be for a president who opted not to attend church. There has never been a non-Christian US president.

While I agree with many of Harris’ points, my views deviate from his when he goes as far to claim that the blanket of religion is the root cause of blame for all world struggles. He cites the conflicts in Palestine, the Balkans, Northern Ireland, Kashmir, Sudan and others. True, religion is often a major complicating factor, but is by no means invariably the only cause. In Northern Ireland, controlling land and resources, racial hatred and cultural diversity along with religious differences have been factors for bloodshed.

I also have concerns about Harris’ aggressive and outright hateful tone. If he truly wishes to bring awareness to a problem, attacking and offending the masses doesn’t seem to me a good tactic. Harris is obviously impressed with his own intelligence and at times seems more interested in showing off how much he knows than finding a solution to the problem he is has identified.

Although I sometimes grew tired of Harris’ bombastic pages, I was still impressed by his analysis of history, politics and religion throughout the book. Although I had to weed out some of his subjective passages and oversimplifications, I found The End of Faith to be stimulating and filled with compelling arguments. It forced me to interactively examine my own opinions and for that this book is a success.

Cleveland Marathon 2009

The Cleveland Marathon was my first 26.2 mile journey back in 2002. I ran it again in ’03, but this past Sunday marked my return to the race after a six year absence. Since moving back a year ago, I’ve realized how much I really love Cleveland. I know some people may not understand why, but it truly is a great city. We have the Cavs, a great subway system, fabulous weather and thriving industries... Okay, well we do have the Cavs. Anyway, it was a great and nostalgic feeling to be at the starting line downtown once again.

The Cleveland Marathon has noticeably changed since I last participated. The most obvious change is the course itself. It starts (and finishes) at the same location near the Galleria Mall on St. Clair near East 13th. Then instead of routing south of Browns Stadium, the course heads north and around the stadium, and then also passes Progressive Field and (thankfully) the Q. I often run this path myself while training so it was a familiar stretch.

The new course then heads west through Ohio City. From mile 7 to 16 for the full marathon, the course headed west to east along the Lake Erie shoreline with winds to runners’ backs. This part of the race was pleasant. I always enjoy touring the shoreline during runs and I liked going past the airport. Before returning downtown, the course spent about 4 miles on the east side, going through Rockefeller Park. Overall I thought the course was okay. There were some parts of the course that I thoroughly enjoyed, although I would have enjoyed going by Playhouse Square and through some of Cleveland’s neighborhoods like Little Italy.

Another big change since I last did the Cleveland Marathon is the disappointing fact that it doesn’t create as much hype as it used to. This is largely due to Northeast Ohio’s competing marathons, The Akron and The Towpath, that have grown rapidly over the past few years. I did both of these races last fall and was very impressed with both of them. Both were better organized than this year’s Cleveland Marathon and brought a much more enthusiastic crowd. The crowd is a big factor for me in a race; spectators bringing support definitely give me extra energy.

Now to my own Cleveland Marathon performance: I wasn’t looking to set any personal records as this was my first marathon of the year. I wanted to finish at 4:15:00, which was about where I was at the end of last season. My plan has been to try to break 4 hours this fall, hopefully at the Akron or Towpath.

I started the race feeling very good. I started towards the back of the pack with the 5 hour marathoners. It’s always better for me mentally to be passing people throughout the race instead of others passing me. This worked out well. The first several miles went by surprisingly quickly. At mile 9 I still felt completely fresh. I was relieved when I still felt good at the halfway point.

As expected, my legs started to hurt around mile 17. I did a twenty mile run the weekend before and this was where I had started to feel a bit of fatigue. I also felt my blood sugar start to bottom out a bit. I started getting irritated that the PowerAde was watered down and that there were no energy gel stations to be seen. There finally was one at mile 20; getting some calories gave me a big boost that carried me to the end. The last 5 miles actually were some of the quickest. I was excited that I was still feeling so good and keeping my pace. I finished in 4:06:50, eight minutes faster than I had planned. I also still felt pretty good at the end and sprinted the last quarter mile. Spectators cheering at the end made me forget about my aches and pains.

Overall, I would give this race a B-, although it pains me a bit to do so. It really just isn’t up to par with competing races. The surrounding energy isn’t there and it is not the best organized event I have attended. The after race celebration offered little. I couldn’t even find where the beer was, and I had a free drink ticket. On a positive note though, the medal is pretty sweet. It has a spinning guitar and is very colorful.

I unfortunately do not have any pictures of my marathon run. As in all action photos ever taken of me, my expression in the 2009 Cleveland Marathon pictures makes me look wasted or mentally retarded. From the neck down I look like I am rockin’ the race, but it’s obvious that the photographer has purposely used digital technology to distort my face. I would have posted these pictures to mock myself, but they are insanely expensive (probably due to the digital changes that were done). Just to download my eight pictures it would cost over fifty dollars. If you really want to see them I’m sure you can find them on the Cleveland Marathon website.

Hermes Cleveland 10 Miler 2009

This past Saturday was my first running race of the season, the Hermes 10 Miler. I'm doing the Cleveland Marathon in a few weeks so I thought this would be a good warm up and prep. The course was pretty nice; it started at Edgewater Park, followed Lake Avenue, went through the West Side then looped to Battery Park and back to Edgewater.

The weather was beautiful on Saturday, but actually a bit hot for a running race, which was quite surprising for the end of April. This was emphasized by the fact that I haven't done any hot weather training since last August... in fact I had just grown accustomed to running in the freezing cold and snow (not that I want the bitter temperatures and freezing winds back... can't we just have high 60's/ low 70's all year?).

Any way, I started toward the end of the pack as I was on a terminal mission to find a bathroom before beginning my run. (For some reason I always have to use the bathroom 6-8 times the morning of a race, very unfortunate. ). I did have an enjoyable bike ride to to race site, but I started to get a little stressed before the start of the race; I think it was the mixture of the surprising heat and worrying about finding a bathroom. Fortunately though, I got it together and started the run.

The first few miles were awkward, I had a hard time finding my groove. The humidity was making me pretty thirsty, but I was encouraged by the fact that I was passing people like crazy. It turned out that starting in the back of the pack was a good thing. It's much better mentally to be cruising by other racers than being passed yourself. I also had some entertainment along the way...

So a lot of runners were wearing the Hermes T-shirts they received for the race which said "Run Like a God" on the back. First of all: Not cool to wear the shirt you were given for the race during the race. Second: If I am passing you, you are NOT running like a god... in fact, every one I saw wearing these shirts was overweight and moving very slowly. It annoyed me at first, then I just found it comical. Thirdly: Aren't you extremely over-heated wearing a heavy T-shirt that comes down to your elbows in 80+ degree temperature while running 10 miles?

I started to feel pretty good around mile six. I had the chance to run through a sprinkler and get a few cups of whatever sugar "energy drink" du jour was being served. I finally felt like I had something to give to this race. Also, there were some spectators along the course and I remembered how much some inspiration helps during a race. Hearing some encouraging cheers really gave me an extra boost. Around Mile 7 I began to wish I had reviewed the course map more closely. It turned out the last 3 miles were down-hill and I had a lot left at the end of the race. I would guess my last mile was by far my fastest.

As I rounded the bend of the last quarter mile, I saw ambulance lights ahead and EMS techs rushing out onto the course. Apparently some one was about to keel over from the race. Some guy was being strapped on to a stretcher and a mask was put over his face. Come on, dude, get out of my way, I'm almost to the finish!

I was okay with my time as this was my first run of the year. My chip time was 132:04.14. I finished 39th of 130 in my age group... check out the race results. I felt good after the race and ready for the Cleveland Marathon.

Alright, so I give this race a 6. I liked several parts of the course, and I liked that I got a medal for finishing. But... the race in general seemed poorly organized and the post-race celebration was not fun at all. No good food/drink/music... nothing really. Everything relied on the nice environment of Edgewater Park.

Beat Up by a Honda CRV

Road bikes go pretty fast and sometimes cycling accidents are unavoidable. Most friends I know who ride regularly have had a crash or two; getting some scrapes and bruises is just part of most sports. But there's a difference between taking a fall and getting completely run off the road by a maniac in a Honda CRV.

I went for my first outdoor ride of the season this week. Being the perdurable advocate for safety that I am, I cautiously stayed to the side of the road watching for potholes and listening for cars behind me. I was in the Metroparks and there was little traffic that afternoon; I was riding along, enjoying my ride and I heard a car approaching pretty quickly. Before I knew it the car was right on my tail. Instead of slowing down and going around me he just pretended like I wasn't there, almost hitting me as he passed. I got one foot unclipped from the pedal, but as I leaned to the side to avoid death, the other foot stayed locked in. My bike ran into the back of my knee and ended up on top of me as I landed on the side of the road. Fortunately there was grass to cushion my landing, or my injuries would have been a lot worse.

I was able to see the car as it sped away- a blue Honda CRV. The driver didn't even stop to see if I was okay! I was no match for this car. This is a vehicle meant for driving through mud and what not. Look at it, smugly driving through a foot of water. I maybe could have taken on an accord or civic... but a CRV? Come on!

These bruises look a lot better now than they did a few days ago, but here is the damage done to me by the CRV. I hope it has a run in with an unforgiving Hummer one of these days.

Movie Review: The Watchmen

I've never read comic-books, but I am a fan of movie series like X-Men, Spiderman and Batman. I thought they all had great plots, characters, action and special effects. I had no problem jumping into the story line being unfamiliar with the source material. In Watchmen, so much emphasis is placed on recapturing the exact details of Alan Moore's "graphic novel", that pieces of the big picture were left out. For instance, how exactly did all these regular people become super-heroes? They don't have any special powers; the only explanation given was "because nobody else would". Also, after trying to rape his best fried The Comedian later "sealed the deal". How exactly did that come about? I felt like somewhat of an outsider watching this movie.

Of course, Watchmen cult followers have a different view; Time Magazine's Matt Selman writes: "Sitting in that screening room and watching the visual world of the Watchmen movie unfold was one of the most powerful experiences I've ever had. Not film experiences. Just EXPERIENCES. I don't think I realized how close I was to the original book until I saw such a loving, detail-rich, almost obsessive recreation of that universe. It had my heart pounding and head swimming. I barely slept that night. Someone took the most special personal thing of my adolescence and put it on a movie screen. That doesn't happen every day."

...Okay, but I think The Baltimore Sun's Michael Sragow hit it spot on: "The ultimate question raised by the movie version of the celebrated graphic novel Watchmen may not be "Who watches the Watchmen?" but "Who will check their watches during Watchmen?" Ticking in at two hours and 43 minutes, this slavish exercise in revisionist comic-book lore takes more than an hour to get started, and then never gets its scale or proportion right."


It seems that a big part of the hype surrounding the Watchmen is director Zack Snyder's statement that it would "transcend the perceptions of the superhero genre", being a film with more depth and substance than its comic-book predecessors". If having more depth and substance means being really long and showing scene after scene of a giant blue guy's ass and penis then mission accomplished, Zack Snyder!

Yeah, I get it, Dr. Manhattan has isolated himself from society and no longer has a connection with human kind, hence, doesn't feel the need to conform by wearing clothes. But did every camera shot really need to be full body? Blue ass in the lab, blue penis on Mars, blue ass and penis about town. If exhibitionism is a super power, then reality tv show such as VH1's Flavor of Love need to be reevaluated.

Death to Voicemail

I cannot stress enough how much I despise voicemail. It was a great idea 10-15 years ago before cell phones were as prominent as they now are (back then people used things called "answering machines"), but it has outlived it's usefulness. It is no longer a convenient tool, it is the exact opposite of that.

Compared to more advanced ways of communication, such as text messaging and email, voicemail is unbelievably time consuming. Checking it requires listening to that smug computer voice that tries to prompt me with useless options in order to take up even more of my time. On my work phone, I counted 13 buttons I have to push before I even reach the messages: the voicemail button (1), my extension and pound (5), my password and pound (5), get messages (1), listen to new messages (1). At least on my cell I just need to be ready to press the delete button.

In some cases I understand the need to leave a voicemail for me at work. If that is my only contact info you have and haven't been able to reach me then I guess it is acceptable to leave me a short, concise message. The fraction of passable voicemails is small though. Even if it is an appropriate occasion for a voicemail, the leaver of the message usually rambles on for an intolerable duration of time. Often, people within my own company (in the same building as me) feel compelled to leave me voicemails. This is admittedly better than them coming to talk to me, but I would still prefer an email. I cringe every time I see that red button lit on my phone.

The other problem with voicemails is if you have to write something down for later, you are stuck with an annoying scrap of paper that is begging to get lost. A text or email is already on record to retrieve when necessary. Much more tidy and efficient.

There are still people addicted to voicemail, however. They actually use the advances in technology to receive their "voicemail crack" in numerous ways...

I'm shocked that people actually do this. The last thing I want is for voicemails to get mixed in with my other messages. If it wasn't important enough to emailed or texted to me to begin with, I'm sure it can wait.

I Have Awful Taste in Television

Reality television: opponents have called it such things as morally corrupt, unethical and void of even a fundamental code of decency. Viewers have been accused of being voyeurs and aggressive by nature. Come on, as the Joker would say: "Why so serious?". It certainly isn't Stephen Spielberg caliber work, or even Ron Jeremy caliber- it's just cheap entertainment.

Individuals "cast" on these shows are certainly entertaining to watch, and the producers do a great job of selecting them. They do some pretty silly and crazy stuff and repeatedly embarrass themselves... so why do so many people show up on dating shows to compete for the attention of undesirable celebrities such as Flavor Flav and Brett Michaels? Well, a cast member (not the star of the show) makes an average of $3000/day for allowing their antics to be filmed 24/7. It should also be no surprise that many a "Reality TV Star" is in fact an aspiring actor, model or musician. I guess they aren't so much competing for love as for another day's pay and exposure.

I do a lot of reading- I like books about science and theory; I'm interested in news and current events; I like to listen to different music and go to concerts. I've never liked soap operas and rarely enjoy TV dramas... so I'm not sure what the initial attraction to trashy reality shows was for me. My intellectual decline began when I became caught up in Flavor of Love a couple years ago. Since then I have continued to watch the stream of series created to leave viewers in a state of shock and amusement. I think the difference between reality TV and most sitcoms and other serial shows is that these reality shows are actually funny!

Sometimes when I come home from work or hard exercise, I just want to relax for a little bit. Instead of doing something that would require effort I would rather watch people that tried to date Flavor Flav compete in challenges for $250,000 (I Love Money: Season 2, Sundays at 11:30am, re-airing many times during the week).

Of course, not all reality shows are that trashy. I've watched many seasons of The Biggest Loser. I'll admit, I start to care about these people. It makes me really happy to see them lose weight and start to feel better about themselves. A show was also made to help contestants from the infamous VH1 shows improve their poor behavior (I don't think it worked too well though).

So in closing: yes, these shows are mostly stupid; yes, I will continue to watch them; yes, you can continue to make fun of me for it.

Vampire Weekend

First I must say that iTunes Genius is quite appropriately named. After my recent Fiery Furnaces Purchase, the music mastermind gave me a few recommendations, all of which I ended up liking... a lot. One of my favorites from this list was The Buzzcocks, a 70's English punk-rock band that reminds me a bit of The Romones or The Sex Pistols. I ended up getting their 1980 album, Singles Going Steady which is pretty awesome. The best lead Genius gave me though was pointing me towards another indie band, Vampire Weekend.

Vampire Weekend is fairly new to the scene, their eponymous debut album came out in January of last year. They definitely have a Euro and alternative sound, which is probably why they are much more popular in Britain than in the US- at least for now. Like the Fiery Furnaces, they have concocted a sound comprised of many styles; but their sound is decidedly more natural. It's refreshing and upbeat. Their album's fluidity reminds me of The Killers Day and Age and they also have a cutting edge sound like the strokes. Even with VW being easy to dive in and listen to, it never gets boring. As I listened to their album, I found myself going from "this is catchy" to "I have listened to this straight through three times a day for a week".

The four guys that make up Vampire Weekend are recent Columbia University grads. Some critics have joked about their silver spoons roots and button-down shirts, but most can't help but admit that these guys just sound good. Sure they may have been given the title of "Whitest Band" by the site Stuff White People Like, but their music certainly doesn't sound pretentious. In fact, they seem to joke about their preppy image in songs like "Oxford Comma": "Who gives a fuck about an Oxford Comma, I've seen those English dramas too, their cruel..". Fortunately, I think the critics actually got it right this time. I agree with Post Magazine's remark that "this cosmopolitan quartet has streamlined ska, post-punk, chamber music and Afropop into a glorious ultramodern groove" (make note of the lack of an Oxford comma in that comment).

Unfortunately, there was one misstep in Vampire Weekend. Like many a band before them, a single song poisoned their album. The song "Blake's Got a New Face"... it is pretty much unlistenable if that is a word. This song was such a let down... I went from jamming to making stupid jokes about some one named Blake who had a face transplant.

But if you can ignore "Blake's Got a New Face", listen to Vampire Weekend. I'm hoping they are in the works of creating a second album. Vampire Weekend doesn't seem like a hyper-active band; they seem smart so I'm hoping that when they do come out with some new music they don't disapoint.

My rating on Vampire Weekend's Vampire Weekend: 4 stars (A-)

It would have been an A had it not been for "Blake's Got a New Face"

The Fiery Furnaces: Widow City

During my junior year at Miami U, I took an elective course on jazz music. My "professor" was a 2-years sober blues musician who may or may not have realized he had to grade us as some point in the semester. Any way, as abstract as the class was, it did actually make me listen to and think about music differently. Even after I had completed class, I continued to find myself listening for different influences in music and finding new appreciation for musicians who didn't box themselves into a specific genre. If nothing else, The Fiery Furnaces do not limit themselves to one brand of music... or 2 or 3 or 4... but like improvisation in jazz... it works somehow.

Widow City is The Fiery Furnaces' 6th album, but the first that I've bought. I only heard of this band a few weeks ago. After listening to a certain person sing the song Nevers several times, I decided to check this band out for myself, and I'm glad I did.

Before deciding on Widow City, I listened to a bunch of stuff from the Furnaces' compilation of music. Their first album, Gallowsbird's Bark, was released in 2003. Since then they have come out with 6 more including a live album of songs from their first 6 studio albums. I liked the songs I sampled from all of the Furnaces' albums; I arbitrarily chose Widow City based on two songs I really liked: "Navy Nurse" and "Duplexes of the Dead". I had also read that this most recent album was a little smoother than their previous works, so I thought it would be a safe place to start. I like Indy music, but I wasn't completely ready to dive into the backwards lyrics (literally played backwards) and ancient languages that made appearances in Bitter Tea and Blueberry Boat.

Some die-hard FF fans have actually complained that Widow City is too smooth; I don't have that complaint, however. For some one just discovering the furnaces, this album has a truly unique and surprising sound. It's hard and soft at the same time, angry and peaceful. This is much contributed to Eleanor Friedberger's voice, (which I sometimes find difficult to take in large doses) and also to the woodwind sounds which give the music an otherworldly feel. I later found out, not surprisingly, that the woodwind and string sounds came from a Chamberlain M1 keyboard. Besides it sounding cool, it would probably be difficult for a 2-person band to garner a 5-piece orchestra. Besides the occasional appearance of drummber Bob D'Amico, all instrumentals are done by Matthew Friedberger.

If you like Indy music and are open to new sounds I would recommend this album to you. It's one that I actually like more and more as I listen to it. In fact, I think I will add some more Fiery Furnaces music to my collection in the near future.

My rating on The Fiery Furnaces' Widow City: 3.5 stars (B+)

Tackle the Tower

Last Saturday I did my first race of the season. It was a stair climb consisting of 37 flights/ 646 stairs. I had no idea what to expect with this, but I was starting to go through race withdrawal, so I thought I'd give it a try. It was something different anyway. There aren't a lot of races between the end of October and February, so I was pretty psyched to do something competitive, even if it was a short mini-event.

So this climb took place downtown at Tower City, and the stairwell was pretty narrow. We all had to line up to start one at a time (every 10 seconds). As I looked around I saw quite a variety of people prepping for the climb. They were stretching, chugging Gatorade, even doing breathing exercises. I thought maybe I had accidentally got in line for the Boston Marathon or something. I could hear people talking to each other about their "race strategies". They seemed to be already fantasizing about their moment of glory to be obtained upon reaching the summit of the stairwell.

About ten people in front of me was a woman with a baby strapped to her stomach. Behind her was a group of girls that looked about 12 or 13. The girls looked pretty excited about the big race- can't fault them for that, it would be an exciting thing for a middle school kid to do. They looked happy and were having fun. But then there were also adult men that were taking the whole thing way too seriously. One guy had about 6 race bibs pinned to his shirt. I guess he was going to make a day of this stair-stepping event... never mind that he probably ended up spending 80% of his time in line waiting for his next turn.

So I expected to have some tired legs from this little race, but that didn't end up being my problem. The air through the stair corridor was so dusty and dry that I ended up coughing with a sore throat by the end of my 8min 20sec climb. As it turns out, stairwells aren't the healthy places you would expect. I spent the next 2 days hacking and feeling mildly ill.

So not a great start to the season, but this was such a wack event that I don't think I would even classify it as a real race. I did get a T that I can put with my collection of shirts I don't wear, and I did get some free bottles of juice and Powerade that I will keep in my fridge for 2 months before throwing out, so I guess the whole experience wasn't a total loss. But, I will score this race pretty low on the Christie Race-O-Meter... D-.

Stupid-proofing

Common sense usually dictates when an area is unsafe. A person of average intelligence knows enough to stay out of a construction zone with heavy machinery and sharp objects. Most people also know enough to not enter a burning building or go water skiing during a hurricane. But for those who do not realize when they should be cautious, preventative measures must be made to protect them from life's hazards. I am referring of course, to stupid people.

Stupid proofing an area is quite a feat. It's entirely different than child-proofing or pet-proofing. Stupid people often have enough dexterity to manipulate devices like child proof containers and safety gates. For this reason, creating a safe environment for stupid people requires a different approach.

I myself use a couple different methods when stupid-proofing. I've become quite good at it since it is part of my job. Ive found large obvious signs with as few words as possible to be very useful tools. Here is one I posted today...

I had to post this due to the bad weather. An area of sidewalk outside the building had a solid 2 inch layer of ice on it. I saw trouble for the stupid people.

Using pictures is also effective. Here is a notice I posted about a month ago. It is a warning to look though the peephole before opening the door.

The other technique I like is having meetings or in services. Although this is more time consuming than posting signs, it allows stupid people to ask any questions or express concerns that a sensible person wouldn't think to address.

OK, I know what you're thinking- and you're right. Nothing can guarantee protection for or from stupid people. There is no such thing as "foolproof". But if we look at what happens when no measures are taken to stupid-proof an area, you can see why I at least make a hearty attempt to secure my surroundings...

Tonight after work I made a trip to Walmart. Before I even made it into the building I was aware that this was a place that had taken no steps toward stupid-proofing. In the parking lot I was nearly run-over by an employee pushing about 50 carts with some sort of specialized vehicle. Inside the store things only got worse. The linoleum entryway was wet from people tracking in sludge from outside. There was not a sign in sight warning stupid people that this could be slippery. I could only wonder how many casualties this floor had already claimed.

After beginning my shopping, I was tormented by a woman in an electric wheelchair/cart (those shouldn't even exist by the way, but that's another story), who continually blocked me from reaching items I wanted. I wasn't too annoyed because I figured she was injured after falling on the wet floor, and therefore had no choice but to use the chair/cart.

Stupid people will always be around, there's no getting rid of them or containing them. We can't avoid them during our daily lives, but we can try to minimize the destruction they cause. If we think ahead, we can foresee potential dangers and limit our damages through stupid-proofing.

The Killers: Day and Age

Three months, eight days and three hours until The Killers take the stage in Cleveland at the Time Warner Cable Amphitheater at Tower City (yes, I already have tickets). In preparation of this 2009 year highlight, I spent the weekend listening to their most recent album Day & Age which was released last November. Once again, The Killers have assembled a great collection of songs. Frontman Brandon Flowers described Day & Age as being an extension of their 2006 album, saying "it's like looking at Sam's Town from Mars".

Okay, yes, Brandon Flowers and The Killers say some odd stuff (in interviews as well as in songs), wear some odd stuff (in interviews as well as during performances) and sometimes just act odd in general. For me, that is part of the band's appeal. It makes for some great entertainment and I personally like their eccentric choices in clothes and lyrics. However, The Killers' comments and fashion are often ridiculed and make them a target for music critics, who often refuse to take them seriously.

Some of the critics' favorite topics when discussing Day & Age: Brandon's feathery jacket worn in the video for Human (a pretty sweet jacket by the way, where can I get one?); the words "are we dancer", also from Human; and Brandon's cocky attitude. The music is criticized for use of saxophone, harps, and Caribbean beats. Songs such as Spaceman and Losing Touch are accused of being overinfluenced by the 80's, specifically Duran Duran and David Bowie circa Let's Dance.

Ironically, although critics and fans enjoy overanalyzing The Killers' music, the band itself never get too ponderous. When questioned about instrumental and lyrical decisions they usually comment that they are just trying to make songs that will sound good. Well, they have succeeded.

The Killers have also succeeded in putting together a group of songs that are quite unique from their past two albums while maintaining their own sound. They add in some new instruments and rhythms, and yes, the David Bowie and Duran Duran influences are present (along with, I'd like to add, The Talking Heads), but there is never a doubt that one is listening to The Killers. Their great melodies anchor their songs, much as they did in Mr.Brightside, Read My Mind, and This River is Wild. They take risks in their new album, but I'm sure the critics would complain if they played it safe.

My favorite tunes from Day & Age:
Human: No, not just because of the kick-ass jacket. It has that same intensity that was present in When You Were Young. I'll be honest, I'm just a sucker for that stuff.
Spaceman: Okay, this song is just fun. "It started with a low light, Next thing I knew they ripped me from my bed, And then they took my blood type". How can you not love that. Plus the tune is hoppin'. I'm sure The Killers are crushed that this song isn't being taken seriously by critics.
I Can't Stay: My verdict is in, I'm a fan of the Killers' take on Caribbean rhythms. It's one of
those songs that just makes you feel good.

My rating on The Killers' Day & Age: 4 stars (A-)

Naked People in Gym Locker Rooms

Naked people wandering about unnecessarily in locker rooms. They walk around, have conversations and do their hair, all before putting their clothes on. I have only been witness to the goings on in a women's locker room, but I hear it is even worse in a men's.

Strangely, these naked people are always the worst looking, out of shape people at the whole gym. Usually on the older side, with their various body parts losing the war with gravity. Have some modesty!

Let me show you what I'm talking about... here is a prime example of some one you might see galavanting around a gym locker room:

My take on a locker room has always been that it is a place to change clothes, have a quick shower, and lock up your stuff while you work out. Most of them are pretty basic. Not places I feel compelled to spend additional time in. True, some locker rooms are equipped with a hot tub, steam room or sauna. The locker room at my current gym is not. It has individual showers, and even draped changing cubbies along with the usual sectioned off groups of lockers. With this in mind, there is ample opportunity to maintain a reasonable level of privacy at any point when a person is naked.

Many questions need answered. What are they doing and thinking? Aren't they cold? Did they not bring a change of clothes and are washing and air drying the ones they came in? Are they aware other people are in the room? The list goes on. Perhaps they have the wrong perception of what a locker room is for. They may think it is like a spa. A European nude spa. Maybe they are all European.

Besides the fact that I really don't want to see poor specimens of the human physique bare it all, it is just really awkward. I have from time to time been engaged in conversation by miscellaneous naked people. I feel like I should point out to them that they are in fact naked, but can't figure out a way to be subtle about it. Should I casually hand them a towel? No, because I don't want to get within arm's length. I could tell them about the latest fashion trends or my favorite clothing stores, but that may not get the point across.

I haven't yet found a solution. I thought about hanging signs describing nudity limitations. The problem there is the extremist naked people would probably protest and take them down. I could carry a giant mirror around and make them look at themselves if they try to approach me. But that would get heavy. I'm open to suggestions. Until my private gym with Olympic size pool is complete, I suppose this is a hardship I will have to endure.

Book Review: God is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything

"God is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything", written by Christopher Hitchens. If a reader picks up this book because he is intrigued by the aggressive nature of the title, he will not be disapointed. Hitchens makes a passionate case that religion is not just a "mere mental delusion, but a great moral evil". His arguments in fact caused me to question my own "live and let live" philosophy toward religion, making me realize I must take a less passive role as an atheist. At the end of his book, Hitchens himself says that he would not want to get rid of religion if it would leave him and his beliefs alone, but religion is incapable of this. He cites shocking references of Hindu and Buddhist murderers and sadists, how Buddhist and Shinto priests trained the suicide bombers, or Kamikaze, in WWII, and a form of Hindu suttee that recommends "suicide" of widows, and lots more.

It is difficult to review a book without bias when one is in strong agreement with the author's views. My struggle to remain impartial was furthar thwarted as I found myself taking delight early on in Hitchen's searing wit and sarcasm. Hitchens is relentless in his critique of religion and comes off as downright belittling. But his belittling has good reason behind it. As Thomas Jefferson once wrote, "Ridicule is the only weapon which can be used against unintelligible propositions." Hitchens ridicules with wit, and I suspect that many of his put-downs will go over the heads of many religious people. For example, look how Hitchens reduces Aristotle's gods and the last remaining god of monotheism:

Aristotle, whose reasoning about the unmoved mover and the uncaused cause is the beginning of this argument, concluded that the logic would necessitate forty-seven of fifty- five gods. Surely even a monotheist would be grateful for Ockham's razor at this point? From a plurality of prime movers, the monotheists have bargained it down to a single one. They are getting ever nearer to the true, round figure.

I also love how Hitchens equates religion with solipsism several times in the book (something that theists love to throw at nonbelievers). Although Hitchens doesn't give the reasons why religion practices soliphism, if you think about it, theists have concern only for themselves and their fellow believers (damn those that don't convert). Religion comes entirely from the mind of believers and solipsism claims that knowledge only comes from the self. This fits religion to a tee because their only source about god and the supernatural comes from holy scriptures, written by fallible men, or from their own selfish minds. Nothing about supernatural religion comes from outside the mind; it comes entirely from the self, the very essence of solipsism.

Hitchens also poses the question that originated with Dawkins: "Is religion child abuse?" Considering the teachings of threats of hell, the idea of eternal torture, and the sin of sexual feelings, how many young minds have undergone depression, suicidal feelings, and at its opposite, rebelled to become sadistic rapers or killers in later life? Hitchens forces us to contemplate the untold systematic rape and torture of children, abetted by religious hierarchy, that has happened for centuries as the church stood above allowed criticism.

For these reasons and more, Hitchens wants people to examine the claims of religion and to demand accountability. He realizes that religion has run out of justifications and offers no explanation of anything important. Religion creates the conditions that make many a human life miserable, and furthermore, could very well wipe the human species off the planet. To this end, he wants us to understand the magnitude of what we are dealing with, and be prepared to make humankind aware of the dangers of religion.

Link to Andy's review